on not making the small things big

When we were doing pre-marital counseling, our friends Duane & Julie gave us a ton of valuable advice. We are incredibly grateful for the way they guided, encouraged, and challenged us before we tied the knot. One thing Duane shared stood out to me the most: He said Julie doesn't make small things big. That really resonated with me.

 Joel sometimes gets home later than I'd prefer from work, especially from cross-country practice. It's never his fault. He's always considerate of my dinner prep and my heart. But he can't control how quickly things get wrapped up and whether parents pick up their kids on time. On more than one occasion he has politely excused himself so I wouldn't be kept waiting. He shows me incredible love in this area. But it's still hard. It's  frustrating to have dinner get cold on the stove.It's hard to be at home waiting, uncertain what he's doing or how long it'll be.

Here's the thing.

I can choose to get upset, offended, or mad. I can choose to beat him up emotionally (when he already feels terrible for keeping me waiting!). Or. I can choose to remember the truth and I can welcome him home with love. I can choose to have our home be a place where Joel feels loved and supported, a place where his work is valued and where relationships are more important than schedules.

I'll admit it again: this is hard. I'm very bad at it. My heart is regularly sinful and selfish. But I'm going to get better at making the right choice. For my marriage. And for my darling, patient, hilarious husband.

recently i'm

 

Proud Of: Joel. He works so hard and is incredibly patient.

Loving: Blue Gatorade. WHAT? Never liked it before but this summer I got sick on a hike and Joel made me drink some. I got yellow, he got blue, and of course I tried his. Now I'm hooked. Also loving-- Trader Joe's.

Reading: Portrait of a Spy, by Daniel Silva. 

Listening To: The Lumineers station on Pandora. Can't get enough,.

Obsessing over: Pinterest

Cooking: Anything on the grill. Last night: chicken legs. Tonight: pizza. Tomorrow: Burgers & potatoes. Last weekend I made this amazing pie.

Sewing: Well... haven't started yet, but our bedroom curtains are my next project. I got these from Target and plan to back them with cheap lining to decrease light and increase insulation.

Looking Forward To: Meeting the kids I'll work with this year. Also... fall weather/clothes, my birthday, starting work as a sub.

  *Linking up with Rachel. Join us!

last vacation of summer 2012: Acadia National Park

My parents invited Joel and me to join them for a few days at Acadia National Park, in Maine. I'd never been and they both think it's one of the most beautiful places in the country. They're totally right!

On our first evening we took a bus (free with park pass!) to some tiny little harbor. The sun was beginning to set and the view was so gorgeous.

The next morning we decided to hit all the important things because the weather was due to get gray the next day. We started with a drive up Cadillac Mountain. Joel took it all in, looking studly.

(Cute couple using each other as a backrest... )

Joel, Dad, and I rented bikes so we could ride on the Acadia carriage roads. We met Mom for lunch and rode back. The day was perfect for biking.

That afternoon we drove to Somes Sound. The sun was about to set (again!) so the view was perfect... so quiet and peaceful!

One of our best dinners was take-out pizza on the grass in Bar Harbor's downtown. We walked there from our B&B, then strolled along the water. That night the fog was really thick and cool. We loved watching it curl up over the hilly islands...

Our second full day was rainy/foggy/cloudy. We had a great time, but didn't take any more pictures. We would highly recommend Bar Harbor/Acadia as a vacation spot. We hope to go there again someday!

disappointed. yet hopeful, too.

This morning I had the first day of training for my new job. It went well and I came home feeling ready for what's ahead. Then I checked my email to find a (very kind) email saying someone else was chosen to work at the nursery school. Disappointment, doubt, frustration, and fear flooded me once again.

That means in the last two months I've been openly rejected for three jobs I so badly wanted. In addition to the numerous please-see-my-attached-resume emails that never got answered. Thoughts enter my mind: Aren't I qualified? How am I supposed to get the experience employers say I lack if nobody will hire me? I've always done my jobs well and gotten glowing recommendations... why doesn't my resume grab people's attention? What am I supposed to do with my time? Isn't this passion for educating children a gift from God? Why, then, isn't he answering my pleas for all these jobs? What does he have for me? What am I supposed to learn from all this?

A few blogs on my radar are written by strong, truth-speaking, Christian women. As I baked away my frustrations with a blueberry pie just now, I found this post. Rachael says, "I'm learning that living by faith doesn't have to always involve pain or discomfort or doing without, although it always involves uncertainty."

Well spoken. And deeply felt by this uncertain heart of mine.

 

We are in uncertain times here. We're living by faith that God will provide, financially, of course, but also in terms of providing our hearts' desires. We want to do meaningful, important work. We want to save money. We want to have babies and raise a family. We want to travel. We want to keep a cozy, beautiful home.

And yet, here's the obvious truth. It's not about us. It's not about what we want. Joel and I have prayed for God's will to be done in our lives and our prayers have been constantly answered. Lately we haven't gotten what we want. Right now, living by faith involves a lot of pain. A ton of uncertainty. But a lot of hope, too.

winding down summer & gearing up for change

Well, we just got back from our final summer 2012 vacation (post about that trip coming soon!).

I've accepted a part-time job as a group supervisor for a local before/after school program. Yesterday I interviewed for another part-time job teaching two year olds at a nursery school. I'm also planning to sub a few days a week.

This was a pretty wild summer. We traveled to a new country (Ireland!), visited both immediate families, checked two new states off Joel's U.S. travel list (NH & ME), and had a week with friends in Washington state. I got to see some fav. college buddies and celebrate the marriage of my dear friend. Plus, we grew a tiny garden, did some house projects, hiked, talked, dreamed, and spent a ton of time outside. We are so thankful for a lovely summer, despite the trauma of job loss.

Now we're in the final days before school starts. This fall will be quite different from last. Joel's coaching cross-country, which requires a lot of extra time. I'll be juggling a schedule with weird hours (potentially gone from the house 6:45 am to 6:45 pm! zoiks!). We're planning a new way to budget (inspired by this couple). A few more house projects are in the works.

I'm so grateful for the blessings of summer 2012. Bring on autumn!

August: 10 on 10

[I'm fudging the times today because I forgot it was August 10th. So here's to playing catch-up.]
8 am: my fixed Fiesta mug. On my desk, of course. 

9 am: Added some color to our over-the-bed hoops. They used to be all brown & gray. The new fabrics make me smile.

 10 am: A new necklace in my current favorite color.

 11 am: Freshly painted chairs getting drowned in the rain. Plus a nasty looking spot on our cement block patio.

12 pm: Old school bench painted. Shout out to Joel for his painter's tape coverage.

around here today

we slept in till 9:15! a big deal for us.

we ate breakfast and prayed together. we unloaded the dishwasher. i spent a ton of time online doing job applications and applying to be a grad student. we went to my grad school campus to print out some stuff. i dropped off a dvd i borrowed at least 9 months ago. [oops!]

joel prepped my spray paint project by painstakingly covering every inch that shouldn't get sprayed. gosh i love him.

i checked my phone about 54 times, hoping the school I interviewed with yesterday had called to offer me a job. i was disappointed about 54 times. 

i pinterest-ed. i spray painted. i started thinking through what our budget will look like if i don't get a full-time job with benefits within two weeks. i got nervous. i worried about health insurance.

we ate lunch together. we held hands & kissed. joel checked the olympics. i folded some laundry. he took a nap. he took out the recycling. we read a sad article about the wildness of the olympic village. i prepped the chicken to be grilled for dinner.

i tried not to worry. i prayed. i looked up all kinds of things online.

we didn't take any pictures. we rested. we lived a quiet summer day. together.