Overheard in my classroom

"Good morning Mrs. Alberts. Good morning baby!"

"Mrs. Alberts, your hair looks so weird."

"Is that a hairstyle?!"


Oddly enough, I haven't gotten a single comment on this growing belly. They see this every morning and all they have to say is stuff about my hair?! :)

Starting school, teacher life

So, an update about life other than the baby is long overdue. Although, truly, the baby is pretty darn exciting so I don't feel a bit guilty about neglecting this blog.

School starts one week from today. My classroom looks pretty good. I will take some pictures soon, if I remember. I'm so so grateful for my new colleagues.... They have been super helpful and welcoming and encouraging. Looks like I will have 19 kiddos; a nice mix of boys and girls which is fun. The commute was bearable this week because I shared the driving with a coworker who lives nearby. Today's drive home was at least 15 minutes longer than "normal" due to a vehicle fire on the highway, but hopefully this will be the exception as opposed to the rule. Plus, when you drive through a city the size of Philadelphia, what does normal even mean?

I've been waiting to stop at the teacher store because my school gives out prepaid debit cards to use for classroom supplies... Well, I finally got mine today and then the cashier couldn't make it work. Because it never got activated when purchased. So I had to leave my small bag of very important classroom items at the store.

Tears may or may not have welled up. But they weren't released. We may be walking on egg shells here, folks. I can usually tell when it's going to time for a good cry. Who wants to put money on sometime in the next week? ;)

Anyway, as super frustrating as that was, after a long long day of driving, meetings about health insurance, and classroom prep, I am super psyched about this school year. It feels amazing to be in my own class, with my own students, carrying my own baby inside me.

This is the plan, too!!

I'm sitting in a classroom that is finally quiet after a field trip and salad party for the sixth graders. The class I got today is one of the worst behaved I've "taught" this year. Taught is in parenthesis because no teaching happened this week. Certainly not today.

Though I was dying for the day to be over so I could escape from the loudness, the bad attitudes, the rudeness, I'm also feeling a little bit sad.

Because truthfully, I will miss these kids. I know so many of their names from being in the building all year. I know some of their stories. I know how to get them back on track, I know their struggles, I know their strengths. Over the last month, I imagined myself subbing here next year, having some of them again. I came to grips with the idea of being just a sub. Again.

But that's not the plan, apparently, and boy am I glad.

It's not the plan because this afternoon I accepted a job to teach fourth grade full-time next year. 

I get to work in the city. I get to teach my own kids. I get to set up my own classroom. I get to build relationships with parents as we partner to support their children.

This news blows me away and overwhelms the mess outa me. But I AM THRILLED!!

gems from students

Today I got three funny letters from kids I subbed for on Tuesday. Their teacher asked for a report, so I told her they'd misbehaved and she made them write apologies. Thought I'd share a couple tidbits:

"Dear Mrs. Alberts, I am sorry for my behavior yesterday. It may have been the heat that made me act the way I did. I hope you accept my apology."

"Dear Mrs. Alberts, I am sorry for how silly I acted yesterday. I was a little too jumpy and I couldn't catch myself. I couldn't control it and I'm very sorry for my inappropriate behavior."

"Dear Mrs. Alberts, I am sorry for how me and my table acted, we were out of hand and we will try are hardest to do better next time. I hope you forgive us because you have alot on your hands. I hope that you forgive us so carma doesn't come to get us."

[I hope "carma" does come get you, little punks :)]

Also today, I had my ESL students complete an end-of-the-year survey. Here's what one said:

"Mrs. Alberts, I love you so much. I want to you teach us next year. You are nice and pretty! You are strict in the class and I love it. I hate someone talking when you talking. I love your teaching, just more harder."

mulling things over

Last night I read this blog post. Then this afternoon I stumbled upon this one. The first is all about toddlers and independence and supporting young children as they grow. The second is about how American parents raise children differently from parents in many other countries. Both were super interesting to me as a teacher and as someone who really would like to be a parent someday.

So I've been mulling them over...

The post about toddler-hood is mind-blowing. Really, it should be totally "duh" for me. I know about children's development. I know young kids love to do things themselves. I know they need extra time to learn and grow and experiment. I see a lot of kids in my classes who are NOT independent and who can't deal with frustration well. I see a lot of kids who I'd consider lazy and who drive me crazy with their incessant need for entertainment. But I know as a teacher (and think probably as a parent, too) that it's a real challenge to live within children's time frames. It's hard to slow down and let loose the schedule and say "Yes!" as much as possible. Even though I know it and I feel my job as a teacher would be easier if parents did it, I do recognize the difficulty...

I don't connect as clearly with the second article, probably because I'm not yet a parent. But even as a child-less teacher, I recognize the value in allowing kids to take risks and I recognize the beautiful pain in allowing them to face frustration... We love kids! We want to protect them and help them and make them happy. But really, truly, we want them to grow and learn and soar on their own. They need us as teachers (and parents!) to give them opportunities to climb to the top of the tall trees and slide down the big slides and jump off the high diving boards (Thanks, Dad!). We need to let them fail and give them time to play outside and show them how to take responsibility seriously.

The following quote could probably be a blog post in itself, but I wanted to add it here because it sums up an idea I think meshes nicely with the two posts I mentioned above. It's from one of my favorite bloggers:  

"It is a wondrous and heart wrenching predicament, to dedicate yourself to growing and loving another soul so successfully that they eventually establish their own independence."

(image here)

overheard in my classroom

"Mrs. Alberts, you're not old. My mom's 28, too."


Awesome. I'm not old. Your mom had a kid when she was 16.

At the same time I was learning to drive and baby-sitting in my free time.

overheard in my classroom

"Do you think I should get a laundry basket before I get a snowcone machine?"

"Three laundy baskets. One for darks, one for lights, and one for whites."

"our story"

I just got inspired by this sweet story.

It seems my blog readership has changed over the last four years and I realized that I've always just hinted at how things between Joel and I have worked out. I've never really told "our story." For a long time, I didn't even mention him on here because I wasn't 100% sure where our relationship stood and I didn't want to get too vulnerable. Now I'm 150% sure about our relationship & I've learned the value in being vulnerable. So here's the (somewhat) condensed version.

After arriving back in the U.S. from my year in Japan, I moved in with a family and my best friend in suburban Philadelphia. Some time in the winter of 2009 (February, maybe?), I mentioned to the mom in the family that I'd be happy to be set up... if she knew any eligible bachelors. We all laughed about the idea & I dismissed it casually until she said that actually, she did know someone...

He had been her daughter's history teacher the previous year and he was great. He was about my age, she thought, and definitely a Christian. She wasn't sure if he was even single (or interested!) but she wanted us to meet. But how? OH, right, he often has guest speakers come into his class to teach about different cultures. Like Japan. Where I had just lived for a year.

She sent him an email. He invited me to come in. I waited a couple months until he started teaching about Asia. We emailed. I bought some Japanese snacks & created a PowerPoint.

That day, when Joel opened the door to his classroom, I was cautiously intrigued. He was surprised, apparently, because he was expecting me to be 40+ years old! My presentation went well. He cut his lip on the cheap chopsticks I'd brought in. One boy asked if I was his girlfriend. Another boy said, "He likes you!" He bought me lunch. One kid dropped a ring in his pocket! We parted ways, after he gave me a kind invitation to find him on Facebook if I wanted to hang out with him and his roommate someday.

The rest, they say, is history.
Which is quite fitting since I'm now incredibly happily married to the history teacher of my wildest dreams.

overheard in my classroom

"Mrs. Alberts, do you like wampire or werewolf better?"


First & last time I post about Twilight on this blog. I promise.

a day in my life

Lately I've been thinking I want to document this season in our life. Even though it's stressful and awkward and uncertain, I hope some day to look back and remember vividly the way God worked. The things we learned. The joy we found. The way we figured it out. Joel and I, together.

So, I outlined what it looks like to be working three part-time jobs: before/after care, subbing, and teaching ESL. Paychecks are inconsistent, hours vary, and the settings are all quite unique.

For three weeks straight I didn't get called to sub at all. It was a frustrating time, including an entire week where the district was closed for hurricane Sandy and nobody worked. Then the next week I got specifically requested for a classroom, and last week I've gotten called twice. Out of the three days I'm available to sub.

Every morning we get up at 5:50. I'm out the door by 6:40, either dressed professionally or wearing my scrubbiest hoodie/jeans-combo that I'll change into running clothes later. If I'm subbing, I stay at morning care until 7:55, when I walk the middle schoolers to the auditorium and report to the office for my assignment. My subbing day looks totally different, depending on who I'm subbing for. Sometimes it's a 5th or 6th grade homeroom which means lots of students, lots of management, and two free periods. Other times it's for a instructional support or a specialist (music, etc.), which is a slightly easier day and involves supporting classroom teachers, working with small groups, and, unfortunately, lunch duty.

On the days I'm teaching ESL (Wednesday & Thursday), I stay at morning care until 8:40, then drive to Joel's school and teach/work with the students from 9 to 2. Then I drive back to the middle school for after care (3 to 6:30ish).

These days are soooooo different from my days the past two years. We eat dinner late. I make simpler meals & do a lot of prep work on the days I don't get called to sub. I have leisurely mornings on some days and super hectic mornings on others. Nothing like a phone call at 6:20 to speed up the getting-ready routine!

I'm trying to relish the fact that I only have to do two days worth of lesson plans. And that I rarely have to grade papers. Ha. I don't miss that.

a new adventure

So... remember when I was so disappointed not to get hired at our church's nursery school? And remember all those posts about finances and budgeting and money? Or how about those posts about being disappointed and trying to trust God's good plan for our lives? How about my incredible sadness that I'd be subbing and not impacting the lives of my own students? And how I can't take my last ESL course this semester because I didn't apply to the program in time? Oh, I didn't write that post because it was embarrassing. Okay, fine.

Well, anyway, I'm thrilled, elated, humbled, and honored to share the following great news: I have been offered (and have accepted!) a part-time job working with English language learners from China!!!

Last Tuesday Joel's principal called to say they'd decided to offer an ESL course for their 7 new Chinese students. I had an interview on Wednesday where they basically offered me the job: 10 hours a week, way more money per hour than I make anywhere else, flexible scheduling so I can still sub, and an opportunity to do something I'm totally passionate about. 

Because it's a Christian school I can start the job even before I finish my last ESL course and become certified next semester. I'll be working with English language learners in all grade levels, with varying English abilities. I'm soooooooooo excited to have this opportunity and beyond blessed by God's provision.

All this time I've been wondering, worrying, feeling sorry for myself, He has been at work opening doors for this job. Which suits me perfectly. And works great with my other part-time jobs. And is amazing experience for any future ESL opportunities. It's like He's saying to me, "Kelly, you are my daughter and I love you. I gave you these passions for a reason. I created you. I know your future and it's my joy to care for you. Why do you worry? Haven't you seen that I am good? Here's one more big bit of proof. Now go, live accordingly."

This is not my plan

A year ago I did not imagine today looking the way it does. I can't remember perfectly, but I was likely on cloud nine, about to celebrate one year of marriage, starting my second year teaching fourth grade, looking forward to fall & the fresh freedom it brings.

Today I'm fearful, antsy, irritated, impatient, lonely, and frustrated.

In my job interview, they told me I'd be able to do this position alongside subbing at the district schools. Two weeks later they said I needed to limit myself to the two closest schools (one elementary & one middle). Two weeks later they said I could only sub at my middle school building due to issues of timing. Yesterday I finally got cleared to sub and received an online scheduling login... Only to find there are no jobs available to schedule. And then to hear from my friend that in the almost three weeks she's been cleared to sub she has been called two times. And only once for an actual teaching position. Ugh.

I've found myself thinking, "If only _____ happened, this would all make sense," on multiple occasions.

The reality is that this doesn't make sense. Losing my job was NOT in the plan. Going a whole month working only 25 hours per week wasn't either. Nor was getting a paycheck that's only one third of what I'm used to getting. Nor spending hours in the middle of the day alone, anxious, discontent, not making a dime.

It's a heart-wrenching challenge to let go of the mindset that this is not my plan. Nothing makes sense & I regularly doubt our future. But I do not for a second doubt the goodness of our God or his presence in each moment.

disappointed. yet hopeful, too.

This morning I had the first day of training for my new job. It went well and I came home feeling ready for what's ahead. Then I checked my email to find a (very kind) email saying someone else was chosen to work at the nursery school. Disappointment, doubt, frustration, and fear flooded me once again.

That means in the last two months I've been openly rejected for three jobs I so badly wanted. In addition to the numerous please-see-my-attached-resume emails that never got answered. Thoughts enter my mind: Aren't I qualified? How am I supposed to get the experience employers say I lack if nobody will hire me? I've always done my jobs well and gotten glowing recommendations... why doesn't my resume grab people's attention? What am I supposed to do with my time? Isn't this passion for educating children a gift from God? Why, then, isn't he answering my pleas for all these jobs? What does he have for me? What am I supposed to learn from all this?

A few blogs on my radar are written by strong, truth-speaking, Christian women. As I baked away my frustrations with a blueberry pie just now, I found this post. Rachael says, "I'm learning that living by faith doesn't have to always involve pain or discomfort or doing without, although it always involves uncertainty."

Well spoken. And deeply felt by this uncertain heart of mine.

 

We are in uncertain times here. We're living by faith that God will provide, financially, of course, but also in terms of providing our hearts' desires. We want to do meaningful, important work. We want to save money. We want to have babies and raise a family. We want to travel. We want to keep a cozy, beautiful home.

And yet, here's the obvious truth. It's not about us. It's not about what we want. Joel and I have prayed for God's will to be done in our lives and our prayers have been constantly answered. Lately we haven't gotten what we want. Right now, living by faith involves a lot of pain. A ton of uncertainty. But a lot of hope, too.

around here today

we slept in till 9:15! a big deal for us.

we ate breakfast and prayed together. we unloaded the dishwasher. i spent a ton of time online doing job applications and applying to be a grad student. we went to my grad school campus to print out some stuff. i dropped off a dvd i borrowed at least 9 months ago. [oops!]

joel prepped my spray paint project by painstakingly covering every inch that shouldn't get sprayed. gosh i love him.

i checked my phone about 54 times, hoping the school I interviewed with yesterday had called to offer me a job. i was disappointed about 54 times. 

i pinterest-ed. i spray painted. i started thinking through what our budget will look like if i don't get a full-time job with benefits within two weeks. i got nervous. i worried about health insurance.

we ate lunch together. we held hands & kissed. joel checked the olympics. i folded some laundry. he took a nap. he took out the recycling. we read a sad article about the wildness of the olympic village. i prepped the chicken to be grilled for dinner.

i tried not to worry. i prayed. i looked up all kinds of things online.

we didn't take any pictures. we rested. we lived a quiet summer day. together.

some lessons learned

it's been 12 days since i found out i don't have a job for next year.

in those 12 days a million emotions have filled my heart and about 3 million thoughts have filled my mind. i've lost a lot of sleep, talked about the same things over and over with joel, prayed, thought, cried, and prayed some more.

i felt afraid. what are we going to do without my salary? joel's health insurance would only cover 60% of my care. i felt sad. i'll never see my little tykes from this year again. oh my gosh, i love these kids. they'll be surprised next year when i'm not in my classroom. frustrated. ARGHHHHHHHHH i spent sooooooo many hours making lesson plans for this curriculum. i put so much effort and thought into this year. confused. if the decision wasn't based on my performance and they said i'm doing a great job, why did they choose to let me go? useless & unimportant. sure they had to cut 18% of the budget but why am i replaceable? what am i missing that others have so they could keep their jobs? angry. confused. anxious. so so so sad.

a few lessons that i've learned, though...
1. God has given me a precious, precious gift in giving me Joel. he has become more and more the perfect man for me. he listens when i say the same thing for the gazillionth time. he hugs me and tells me i'm awesome and helps me edit my resume.
2. i'm not in control. i can plan our life to the very last detail but i can't control things like jobs, finances, and the future. that needs to be okay.
3. money should be kept carefully and spent wisely. i cannot be frivolous or spend it carelessly as i have done some times these past two years.

worst.bus.ride.ever.

i've been on some pretty awful bus rides in my 27 years. but today took the cake. and involved tears.

we're about 20 minutes into our 45 minute bus ride back to school after our field trip. my student, T, asks if she can go to the bathroom as soon as we get back to school. of course i say she can.

5 minutes later she asks how close we are and says she has to go really bad. i tell her i'm sorry but we're in the middle of a neighborhood on unknown back roads & she doesn't have a choice but to hold it.

3 minutes later she's sobbing. tears are running down her face. it's pouring outside, we're on a bus with 40 kids, and i can hear her cries from three rows back. my heart is breaking and my mind is racing. peeing her pants would be the worst experience of her 9 year old life. but what else can we do? there's nowhere to stop. oh, there was a port-a-potty. oh, too late. gosh, what if she pees her pants? she's CRYING! that's pretty serious. what the heck can i do? is she still crying? yup, there are her sobs. what will the bus driver do if she pees her pants all over the seat? should i ask to stop? shouldn't fourth graders be able to hold it? oh gosh she's still balling. okay, i have to do something.

as soon as i told the bus driver that this was a real-life-about-to-be-wet-seats-situation, she said she would stop at the dunkin donuts up ahead. praise the Lord. T and i walked to the front of the bus and ran inside the second the bus door opened. she made it in to the bathroom on time but as i waited i noticed a sign on the door that said, "sink out of order. no water." gross, i thought. but not as gross as cleaning up pee off a bus seat. oh well. then the door opens.

"mrs. alberts... my nose is bleeding."

i open the door to see blood ALL over the floor, all over my student.

no toilet paper. no paper towels. no water in the faucets. i run out of the bathroom, grab napkins from the counter, hand her some and proceed to clean the numerous red puddles off the floor. pretty tough job with no water.

many napkins later, the floor has a few already-dried drops of blood left, but i know i can't get it off so we head back out to the bus. her bleeding stops. we finish the school day. i call her mom to explain the situation. i stop at the dunkin donuts to thank the incredibly kind staff & to offer to clean up the mess i'm sure is still in their water-less bathroom. they refuse my help and repeatedly say it's no problem. i smile with tears of exhaustion and gratitude in my eyes.

i get back in my car and cry.

overheard in my classroom 4

while standing outside waiting for two girls' parents to pick them up, one asked me:
"mrs. alberts, are you going to make fried chicken for dinner tonight?"

"no," i replied. "i don't know how to fry chicken."
"it's easy!" the other girl responded. "my grandma can teach you."

"oh, mrs. alberts, it's just you and your husband at home? that's sad."
"not really. we're together."

overheard in my classroom 3

me: what's your grandmother's phone number?
J: i don't know.
me: well, can you tell her to call me?
J: she doesn't know your number.
me: well, it's the school's number. or she can email me.
J: MISS ALBERTS! she doesn't use email. she's 46!

i died. then i pondered which was more startling: that she thought 46 was too old to be emailing or that her grandmother was 46 years old. gosh.

tonight and tomorrow and friday

my bff found this blog on pinterest (which i'm avoiding on purpose. internet, don't tempt me.) i don't use my crockpot as much as i imagined, since it automatically goes to "warm," and leaving food on warm while i'm busy being a teacher (about 6:30 to 4:30pm) actually ends up with burnt dinner. SO. i do have a few classics that i make, but they tend to be on weekends.

report card conferences start tomorrow. can't decide how i feel about them. i'm not really nervous. i'm excited about conversations with some parents. i'm not thrilled about meeting with a few.
 
on friday, to celebrate the conferences being over, we're going to get our christmas tree. i'm totally jazzed about this. about a month ago i got white lights while they were still in stock. [side note: last year around this time white lights were nowhere to be found. joel kindly offered some blue lights he had in the basement. my newly-wed self struggled silently for a good long while before quietly thanking him and putting on the blue lights. it actually turned out cute and will be a special memory in my heart forever. first.married.christmas. success.]

 

here's what the living room looks like tonight, with the addition of a few handmade christmas gifts from momma. and with an updated arrangement of a nativity set we got as a shower gift. i like it on the mantle a lot.  

lately...

since my last post i've celebrated our first anniversary, driven to rhode island & back for thanksgiving, graded a hundred million essays/tests/journals, written report card comments, checked attendance for 21 students for 3 months, and opened christmas presents from one side of the family. what a (wonderful!) whirlwind.

and now, in no particular order, a few photos from life lately.

 (joel drew this on my hand on sunday, november 20th. who cares? oh, yeah, it's our anniversary, duh.)

 (nelson family christmas)

 (it was on zoom. oh well.)

 (cliff walking in newport)

 (my rad brother)

 (merry christmas to meeeeeee! new hand-made white pillows from momma!)

 (this book is a total throw-back to my younger years. i'm reading it to my students next)

(if i can't eat dinner till 8pm, i better have a little snack)