Fab4 weekend recap

Last weekend my three college roommates were here to visit. It was the most precious time.

We spent most of Friday in Manayunk, eating lunch, walking around, admiring beautiful furniture, and finding bargains at consignment shops. The sunny weather was perfect for strolling and chatting.

On Saturday we relived our college days: yard sale-ing & scouring thrift shops. Two of the ladies had never been to Sonic, so we stopped for lime-aids and slushes during their "happy hour."

 

That night we ate dinner at home & drove downtown for dessert at Max Brenner. I've been there before, but nobody else had. We ate delicious chocolate treats and did a little shopping around Rittenhouse Square.

It was such fun to talk, laugh, catch up, and celebrate the new little life who will be joining our group in September. Hooray for the next generation :)

Naturally, we finished off the night with some sleepy movie watching. Which quickly turned into sleepy going to bed. Ha! Guess we really are growing old up.

Love these ladies & I've been on a high since they left. So grateful.

These 3

 

These 3 are coming to stay at my home in just under three weeks.
We have an entire Fab4 weekend reunion planned. (And by planned I just mean we all know we're going to talk, eat, watch chick flicks, laugh, maybe cry, talk, listen, and laugh non-stop for about three days. Obviously.)

I've just been laying in bed thinking about seeing these ladies again. The memories of four years together at college flood my mind and keep me awake. They knew me well then. They know me now, today, but I'm different. The me I was in college is different.

I used to procrastinate a lot more. I laughed a LOT. I watched way more movies and way fewer TV shows. I was spontaneous and stayed up late. I ate a lot of junk food and was really active and did my laundry into the wee hours. I read books for fun and talked on IM. I left notes for these three and cleaned our shared bathroom. I had sleepovers with them and talked in our lounge until we were too tired to talk more. I wore track pants and swished them so much in my sleep that it kept Lauren awake. Ash and I read Clarice Bean together before we went to sleep. The other Lauren and I used to talk "teaching" for long periods of time and sometimes she'd sneak into my room to show me what she was planning to wear to school the next day.

We are beyond blessed to have these friendships. It's amazing now, to think about who we've become and who we will be. All four married. One with a new babe on the way. So many miles between us, but there's no doubt we'll pick up where we left off as soon as they arrive in my driveway.

I really can't wait.
These 3 have helped make me me.

Day of love

We didn't take a single picture of Valentines day, but it was special. We both worked. I surprisingly got to eat lunch with Joel in the cafeteria because one of my ESL students was absent so we didn't have SAT tutoring.

Between after care and grad class, I grabbed dinner from Chick.Fil.A and Joel met me in the college parking lot. So romantic.

I LOVE my life. I am so thankful for Joel and how well he treats me.

(early tomorrow morning we will leave for our third annual Presidents' Day getaway. Can't wait!)

one sweet memory

This morning after work, I heard a conversation on the radio. They were talking about "the most annoying Super Bowl party guests" and mentioned those people who have no clue and who ask a million questions.

I was instantly back in our home in Little Rock, with my dad.
 
He was insistent that I learn at least a little about football before the youth group Super Bowl party. He was sure I'd be embarrassed (because I was utterly clueless!) and wanted to educate me as best he could.

Not sure how he actually educated me, nor whether I actually remember the valuable football lessons after that Sunday. 

But the sweet memory stands out today, as I think back on how well my parents parented me. Parented us. Are still parenting us (including Joel!) today.

"our story"

I just got inspired by this sweet story.

It seems my blog readership has changed over the last four years and I realized that I've always just hinted at how things between Joel and I have worked out. I've never really told "our story." For a long time, I didn't even mention him on here because I wasn't 100% sure where our relationship stood and I didn't want to get too vulnerable. Now I'm 150% sure about our relationship & I've learned the value in being vulnerable. So here's the (somewhat) condensed version.

After arriving back in the U.S. from my year in Japan, I moved in with a family and my best friend in suburban Philadelphia. Some time in the winter of 2009 (February, maybe?), I mentioned to the mom in the family that I'd be happy to be set up... if she knew any eligible bachelors. We all laughed about the idea & I dismissed it casually until she said that actually, she did know someone...

He had been her daughter's history teacher the previous year and he was great. He was about my age, she thought, and definitely a Christian. She wasn't sure if he was even single (or interested!) but she wanted us to meet. But how? OH, right, he often has guest speakers come into his class to teach about different cultures. Like Japan. Where I had just lived for a year.

She sent him an email. He invited me to come in. I waited a couple months until he started teaching about Asia. We emailed. I bought some Japanese snacks & created a PowerPoint.

That day, when Joel opened the door to his classroom, I was cautiously intrigued. He was surprised, apparently, because he was expecting me to be 40+ years old! My presentation went well. He cut his lip on the cheap chopsticks I'd brought in. One boy asked if I was his girlfriend. Another boy said, "He likes you!" He bought me lunch. One kid dropped a ring in his pocket! We parted ways, after he gave me a kind invitation to find him on Facebook if I wanted to hang out with him and his roommate someday.

The rest, they say, is history.
Which is quite fitting since I'm now incredibly happily married to the history teacher of my wildest dreams.

a few resolutions

I'm two days late on my resolutions for 2013, but I really just needed a little time to think on them. It's hard for me to put my goals & dreams out there. I don't usually like semi-cliches thing. Joel and I talked about some stuff we want to happen this year, but they're really not things I can put into written words.

So, without further ado, here are a few resolutions:

1. Take more pictures. I struggle to photograph the daily things. It's hard for me to find beauty in the small-ness of life. But I want to try this one! Really, I do!

2. Run (at least!) three times each week. This can be so hard if I sub twice and teach ESL twice. That leaves one weekday and the weekend. It's really not fun for me to get up and run on Saturday or Sunday, but I need to do it. I've not been at all content with my body lately and it's time to stop being annoyed and just make change happen.

3. Find contentment in what God has given. I need to prayerfully change my habit of comparing myself with others (OH, they have their own classroom. No fair! Aw, man, I wish I lived near my family! Dang, that group of friends hangs out so often! Oh, look, another friend is having a baby! Crap, they make a lot of money! Gosh, what a cool trip; wish I could go there!). I need to rejoice in the constant love of Jesus and the hope I have.

4. Love others well. This starts with loving God well, spending time in the Word & prayerfully seeking his will. After that it means listening carefully when Joel speaks, seeking to find ways to care for him, and making sacrifices for his well-being. Then it means giving of myself to love friends, family, students, co-workers, and neighbors.

well said, well said

Life in our family jumps rapidly from I'm-way-too-busy-I-can't-stand-it to I-wish-I-had-a-few-more-fun-things-planned.

Lately we've have been a relatively nice balance of both. Fortunately for our marriage, Joel is my perfect complement. He's more introverted and usually re-charges by being quiet and being at home. It's been such a precious learning experience to recognize the beauty of both staying in some Friday nights and spending almost an entire Saturday painting the Jr. High room @ church because it needs to get done.

Every once in a while, I get annoyed at myself. For not taking more photos. For not updating my blog. For not being super social & accepting every invitation I get. For not calling my friends often enough. For not planning fun get-togethers. For not being spontaneous. For not taking time to rest. For this & that and those things, too.

So reading this post really resonated with me:
"It's not because I don't love other people that I don't say yes to all the things that crop up, but it's because I want to love well the ones who are already holding my yes. "

what happens when you're 28

You'll understand the value of precious sleep. You'll stop taking it for granted and your heart will break for your sad, sleepy husband when he only gets 3 hours (or less!!!).

You will be slightly hurt when your little brother yells at you for nagging him (& temporarily think about having your big, strong husband kick his butt on your behalf!) before you remember that you were nagging & you only see each other twice a year & it's really not worth it.

Sometimes you'll really want to have a drink of Coke on your way from one job to the next. You'll know it's terrible for your(caffeine! high fructose corn syrup!) but it only costs $1. So sometimes you'll make a hard right into that drive-thru.

A few of your carefully prepared meals will flop. A few will be amazing. And most of them will be just right: stomach-filling & conversation-inducing.

You might love the show "Parenthood" with all its messy loudness. Who knew it could enter your dreams and your late-night chats on a regular basis?

Your Facebook obsession might fade as you realize that people you aren't friends with can be far more interesting than your "friends'" stupid profile pics and trite comments. That's why you should probably start reading more blogs. Oh, wait.

Idea from here. Via here.

On our two-year anniversary

For the longest time I couldn't understand when people would say, "I love my husband more today than on the day I married him."

 

That's crazy. On my wedding day I was hilariously, foolishly, unbelievably head-over-heels in love. I was completely nuts about Joel and couldn't wait another second to be his wife. It was hard for me to imagine loving him more. I knew he was the man God had brought into my life and I knew I didn't want anyone else.

But, as is often true, I learned how little I understood. I learned that my scope on November 20, two years ago, was quite small. My heart had so much room to grow. I had a lot of love to develop and a lot to learn.

 

 

This last year of marriage has been so sweet. Bitter, yes, because of the pain, fear, and loss we've experienced together. But 150% sweet, too.

This last year I've cried a lot and Joel has learned to comfort me kindly and with patience. We have mis-communicated a few times this year and Joel has spoken softly and clearly. We've had adventures all over the country and the world (Ireland, Washington, Maine, Michigan, Rhode Island, Ohio!) and Joel has figured out how neurotic and silly I can be. We've spent many hours in the car, chatting about our dreams. Joel has repeated the same things over and over until I believe them to be true. You are wonderful. God has a plan. I love you. We are in this together. You are a great teacher. I think you are beautiful. We have great friends & a wonderful family. God loves you. I love you. You are good with kids. You are a kind friend. God will provide.

This last year Joel has remained calm in the midst of my unnecessary freak-outs. He has watched 20+ episodes of Parenthood with me. He has analyzed and re-analyzed the things I just couldn't come to terms with. He has prayed for me. He has held me. He has teased me when I was taking myself too seriously. He has loved my family and he has taught me how to be a more selfless daughter and sister. He has worked some long long long days and has come home with a hug, smile, and a listening ear.

Thanks, Joel, for choosing me, and for loving me unbelievably well. I'm crazy for you.

 P.S. I wrote about our 1-year anniversary here.

this is the plan

I'm sitting at home on a Friday night while Joel has yet another school obligation. I turned down an offer to hang out with friends because I want to be quiet tonight and because I want to be around when Joel comes back. I would not have imagined 10 years ago (or even 3 years ago!) that this would be me, my life, at age 28.

Not sure what I imagined.... a hot husband (which I have, praise the Lord!), full-time teaching job where I was kicking butt, perfectly decorated house, lots of cash in the savings account, a kid or two, all my friends and family right down the road, maybe...

But this is my life. This is the plan. This is, apparently, where God wants me to be.  For some unknown and incredibly frustrating reason(s).

 Friends! Please read this blog post by my friend Beka. She does an excellent job summarizing what's going on in both our hearts lately. Last month I wrote about my own pain/confusion/frustration-filled journey here and here, but Beka's words are great:

"I also kept job searching, held onto all of my own timelines and plans, and had an internal attitude of "THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANTED..." even though my external attitude was more like, "Rejoice in the Lord always!"... 

"This was not my plan. But it is the plan. And let's pause to acknowledge that it's a GOOD PLAN. If I have food and water and clothing and shelter and parents and friends and a job and freedom and faith...and the only thing wrong is that my independence has suffered and my pride is injured...then it was high time for a reality check to begin with. Because that's not who I want to be."

"I have every single solitary reason to be joyful, and none to be discontent. I have more than enough."

dear october

Dear October,
You are a perfect excuse to wear double orange stripes. This is about as Halloween-y as I go. Things have been so busy lately that for over 36 hours our guest bed looked like this: 

I busted out my winter hat for ya, October, ol' buddy. Chilly days are awesome.

It was perfect weather for Joel to run an alumni race at his school yesterday. Thanks for the sun, October.

And for opportunities to do fun stuff with friends... like hiking with our BFF couple. At the site of their engagement! 

 The sun was so bright we were squinting. Wearing T-shirts. In October.

October, I love you. I love my husband and Melissa/Joel. I love being outside in the gorgeous air and seeing the beauty of our area.

the gift of long-term and long-distance friends

This past May marked five years since I graduated from college. If I stop to think, I can't even believe that it's been five years. Much has been accomplished, God has worked so amazingly...

I loved my college experience and feel it prepared me well to be a teacher, leader, and student.

Mostly, though, it gave me friends. 

The memories I shared with my college friends during those critical four years have provided a foundation I will cherish forever. We laughed so much, cried plenty, learned, struggled, prayed, adventured. Together. Side by side. In each others' rooms, on the college lawns, in each others' cars, and with each others' families. Through boyfriends, classes, internships, studies abroad, heartache, and joy. Skipping, giggling, watching chick flicks on repeat, eating long dinners together in Garlock, studying/cramming late into the night. 

Since graduation, we've gone separate ways and a lot of miles lie between us. This past year, though, we've grown together a lot. Trial by fire, as they say. We've been through a miscarriage, cross-country moves, job losses, a precious wedding, serious health troubles, and deaths of parents.

 

On Friday two of my favorites came to visit Joel and me for the weekend. As they drove away this morning I took a deep breath and praised the Lord for this precious gift.

Not everyone gets friends like these.

Being Beka's Guest

I'm so honored to be featured as a guest blogger on "a beautiful home" today. Beka is a college friend and an absolutely amazing photographer. She invited me to write about what a beautiful home means to me.

So head on over & read my post.

Let me know what you think & be sure to keep checking Beka's blog for a good read (or two. or two hundred!)

on not making the small things big

When we were doing pre-marital counseling, our friends Duane & Julie gave us a ton of valuable advice. We are incredibly grateful for the way they guided, encouraged, and challenged us before we tied the knot. One thing Duane shared stood out to me the most: He said Julie doesn't make small things big. That really resonated with me.

 Joel sometimes gets home later than I'd prefer from work, especially from cross-country practice. It's never his fault. He's always considerate of my dinner prep and my heart. But he can't control how quickly things get wrapped up and whether parents pick up their kids on time. On more than one occasion he has politely excused himself so I wouldn't be kept waiting. He shows me incredible love in this area. But it's still hard. It's  frustrating to have dinner get cold on the stove.It's hard to be at home waiting, uncertain what he's doing or how long it'll be.

Here's the thing.

I can choose to get upset, offended, or mad. I can choose to beat him up emotionally (when he already feels terrible for keeping me waiting!). Or. I can choose to remember the truth and I can welcome him home with love. I can choose to have our home be a place where Joel feels loved and supported, a place where his work is valued and where relationships are more important than schedules.

I'll admit it again: this is hard. I'm very bad at it. My heart is regularly sinful and selfish. But I'm going to get better at making the right choice. For my marriage. And for my darling, patient, hilarious husband.

a knowing grin

yesterday joel asked me how my day was. i replied that i'd just sat around and read while the boys played at the pool. i'm baby-sitting this week.

joel asked me what i read. i replied, "a tree grows in brooklyn."

and joel got this knowing grin on his face.

and my heart melted.

he knows that's my favorite book. he recently asked me what it's all about and listened to my far-too-long explanation. he knows i've read it at least six times.

that grin was an outstanding gift. and what it meant is a gift in itself...

to be known by the love of my life, my best friend, is the most amazing feeling.

some lessons learned

it's been 12 days since i found out i don't have a job for next year.

in those 12 days a million emotions have filled my heart and about 3 million thoughts have filled my mind. i've lost a lot of sleep, talked about the same things over and over with joel, prayed, thought, cried, and prayed some more.

i felt afraid. what are we going to do without my salary? joel's health insurance would only cover 60% of my care. i felt sad. i'll never see my little tykes from this year again. oh my gosh, i love these kids. they'll be surprised next year when i'm not in my classroom. frustrated. ARGHHHHHHHHH i spent sooooooo many hours making lesson plans for this curriculum. i put so much effort and thought into this year. confused. if the decision wasn't based on my performance and they said i'm doing a great job, why did they choose to let me go? useless & unimportant. sure they had to cut 18% of the budget but why am i replaceable? what am i missing that others have so they could keep their jobs? angry. confused. anxious. so so so sad.

a few lessons that i've learned, though...
1. God has given me a precious, precious gift in giving me Joel. he has become more and more the perfect man for me. he listens when i say the same thing for the gazillionth time. he hugs me and tells me i'm awesome and helps me edit my resume.
2. i'm not in control. i can plan our life to the very last detail but i can't control things like jobs, finances, and the future. that needs to be okay.
3. money should be kept carefully and spent wisely. i cannot be frivolous or spend it carelessly as i have done some times these past two years.

on our 1-year anniversary

ok i realize that our anniversary was one month ago tomorrow. and i realize that we didn't take any pictures & posts are relatively lame without them.

however, this year was way too big not to reflect upon. plus, i kind of imagine myself reading this post next year so i want to have some record of my thoughts.

and because i love lists, that's how i'm going to organize them...
1. this year a lot of miscommunication happened. i thought i was good at speaking clearly and expressing myself. apparently not. there were so many occasions where joel thought one thing and i thought another. but we both thought we thought the same thing (see, just explaining miscommunication is confusing!)

2. even though waking up to the 5:50 alarm is hard (mostly because we just want to hang out with each other all day), it's also easier knowing that the next 50 minutes will be spent with the love of my life. eating breakfast with joel, making our lunches, talking to him while he showers/i brush my teeth, and kissing him goodbye as he gets dressed in his shirt & tie.as i drive to school i'm optimistic & joyful & filled with gratitude because my morning began with joel.
3. my husband is so.incredibly.selfless.goodness, this man! he does it all: washes the dishes, irons, cleans the floors, unloads the dishwasher, scrubs the foreman grill (my LEAST favorite task!), carries in the groceries, listens to me, hugs me, etc. etc. etc. joel has loved me beyond what i thought were human capacities. i'm so grateful to call him mine.

4. i think i was doing alright before joel & got married. i had a steady job. i ran fairly regularly. i was emotionally stable. i was relatively kind to others. i was pretty patient. BUT this year, being married to joel has grown me in unbelievable ways. his love has given me freedom to pursue grad school, comfort to cry when it's necessary, perseverance to run farther & push myself more, patience to avoid yelling at my students (one.more.time.), and courage to branch out in my community.

words really can't describe how much this year has meant to me.

thanks, joel, for choosing me, and for loving me unbelievably well.

[note: i decided to add a few random pictures. simply because they break up the text nicely.]

a new kind of hero

anyone who regularly reads this blog knows my oven has been broken for quite a while.

well, when the guy came to check it out, he ordered 4 parts from sears. this week, one part arrived monday. another on tuesday. then another on wednesday. the repair guy came back yesterday, ready to fix everything (oven AND the one burner that didn't work...) upon arrival, he sees only 3 out of 4 parts were delivered and announces he can't fix it & will have to re-order the part and come back in 2 weeks, after our vacation. i mumble something like, "you've gotta be kidding me," walk upstairs and proceed to pout about how crappy it is that i still can't use my oven. and we're having company over. and i'm tired of grilling.

20 minutes later the repair guy leaves and i decide it's safe to come downstairs because he won't be able to see my irritation written all over my face. i sit down across from j. (still pouting/totally stressed about cooking for company).

he says, "well, your oven is fixed."

"wait, what? how?" .....

"i sweet talked him a little. i said my wife really needs the oven and asked if he could just fix the oven today since the missing part was for the burner. so he did."

"OH MY GOSH babe, thank you!!!! thank you for talking to him. thank you for knowing it was so important to me."

"thank Scott. he's a nice guy"

[wow, i do not deserve such love. i do not deserve a husband who kindly advocates for me. i do not deserve a repair man who goes above and beyond the call of duty. they were serving me while i was upstairs fuming like a big huge brat. tears.in.my.eyes.right.now. wow]