Last Sunday our community group gathered at our house. Joel and I spent a good chunk of the day prepping to host and were quick to begin clean-up once people began to leave. Two ladies brought snacks in dishes that needed to be rinsed before they took them back home, empty and uncovered. Joel quickly grabbed the sponge and towel, then gave them back clean and dry. He told me later that both ladies commented on the fact that he washed their dishes, calling him "so domesticated."
Even though I was proud of my handsome man for being thoughtful, it also made me a little annoyed that they found his dish-washing such a big deal. I do not ever want to take Joel's participation in our life for granted. I know he's amazing & helpful & loving. It's only natural that they thanked him for going above & beyond. What bothered me was their reaction:
surprise.
This makes me think that many husbands don't wash dishes. That they have grouped household tasks into male vs. female chores. That they work outside the home all day and expect their wives to keep everything perfectly tidy and clean since they're "stay-at-home-moms." That they think the kitchen is a woman's place and all food-related stuff is the responsibility of their wives.
When I brought the subject up to Joel, he was annoyed too. He said, basically, "Even if I'm working outside the home all day someday, I don't expect to just be done helping our family when I come home. Please stop me if I ever start assuming you're going to do all the house chores."
Now I know that there are some things Joel prefers and many that he does better (mowing the lawn, ironing, cleaning the floor, etc.). I also know I love cooking and have gladly accepted meal prep as one of my primary roles in our family.
But one thing that I love about our marriage is that we don't have typical gender roles just because they're typical. We're both working hard to give selflessly to each other
and to make our home someplace special.
2 comments:
This is an important topic to me, too, but for somewhat different reasons: Dan and I DO fall into pretty traditional roles when it comes to managing our (albeit tiny) household. I actually love cooking and cleaning and "feeling domestic." It gives me pride to work hard to keep my home clean, warm, and welcoming. Putting a hot meal in front of my husband most nights gives me joy, not stress.
Dan is much better at things like cars, bills, and maintenance. I haven't the slightest clue how often my tires need to be rotated, or how to change my oil. I'm thankful that I have a husband who fills in the glaring gaps in my knowledge, and I'm glad to fill needs in his life, too.
So yes, we fall into traditional gender roles, but they're certainly not set in stone. I change my own lightbulbs, and Dan is in charge of keeping the bathroom clean. I think it's a matter of working together and truly feeling as though you have a partnership, more than the actual jobs each person does.
And this is the end of my book. ;-)
Becca, Perfectly said! I agree that it's all about working together and feeling as though you have a partnership. Totally <3
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