so very bittersweet

for the past month i've been getting updates about grammy's steady health decline: doctors reports, family perspectives, daily emails, etc. somehow [maybe because i'm so far away] i've been able to stomach the awful-ness. or at least let it float around somewhere in the middle of my mind, surfacing only 14 times a day.


then last week mom/dad reported that grandmom had been admitted to the hospital. we semi- joked about her having to take a number because we only have energy for one sick grandmother! it's really not a joke. it's super scary and sad to have both of them ill at the same time. granted, they're old and it's not that unusual. but still.

anyway, i talked to grandmom on saturday and could tell she was trying to sound brave/strong for my sake. i'm the oldest grandchild. i'm an adult. i kept thinking how i SHOULD be brave/strong for her sake. ick...

then today i finally worked up the courage to call grammy, even though i knew it would be heart-breaking. she coughed for 70% of the conversation. she mixed up names and nouns. she sounded so weak. and it WAS heart-breaking. double ick. i'm really glad i called, because hopefully she was glad to know i'm thinking of her. but it's so very bittersweet to have conclusive evidence that she's fading fast.