the first and the lasts

this morning i received word that for the first time in my life, someone i love immensely has died. grandad died when i was a little tyke, and of course i loved him, but i don't really remember the whole thing. 20 years later, THIS death is quite different.

the last breath: my aunt went downstairs to check at 1am, because she couldn't hear grammy on the baby monitor. there were no more coughs, no more struggles for breath.


the last present: my grammy has always been incredibly generous. sure, she's notorious for strange/bad presents [socks, homer simpson slippers!!!!, stuff from her re-gifting drawer...:)] but she never fails to bless me with her generosity. i feel as if she gave me one last gift with her death last night: dad said her memorial service would definitely be on a saturday and selfishly, i didn't want it to be tomorrow bc my friends are getting married and i want to celebrate with them at the wedding. we got an email yesterday evening saying that grammy had lived past the deadline to announce a memorial service in the newspaper, so it definitely wouldn't be tomorrow. i was so so so glad. it feels like she held on for just a few more hours... now i get to attend the wedding and be there for her memorial service next saturday. my heart is incredibly grateful.

the last call: at 7am my phone woke me up with "grammy" on the caller ID. dad told me the sad news, i got up to go to the bathroom, and immediately realized that's the last time i'll ever see her name on my cell phone. no more counting the seconds to see how long i can get her to stay on the line [my best record is probably 7 minutes!!]. and no more sweet calls from her, just to say "hello sugar plum", or "how are you, darling?"

i'm glad grammy isn't struggling to breathe or coughing anymore. i'm glad she isn't scared or frustrated or confused. and i'm glad to have had 24 1/2 years with her as my loving, funny, smart, and encouraging grammy. <3