Quitting the blogs

Today on a run with my BFF, my eyes were finally opened to what I've been avoiding for many, many months. I need to surrender. I need to face up to my addiction and I need to do it now. I need to quit the blogs. Not this blog, necessarily, but the 10-15 blogs I check every.single.day. And I need to quit Facebook & Twitter... all at the same time.

I have justified and procrastinated and avoided this for months. I've said, "But the bloggers I follow are so encouraging and have such good ideas." I even used this very wise post to lie to myself and convince myself that my massive internet dependency was okay. It's not. I am addicted. Reading about other people's lives is my idol.

Partly due to my internet dependency, my friendships have suffered. My relationship with Joel has sometimes been neglected. My self-image and self-worth have plummeted. I've stopped reading books. I've slacked on things like keeping the bathroom clean and my paperwork organized.  I've lost a lot of my motivation to work out. I've become very impatient and very discontent with my life, my circumstances, my blessings, and my gifts.

Now, let me say: this is a multi-faceted issue in my heart. I'm naturally, as a sinful human, selfish and discontent. My heart is the culprit here, not the internet itself. Unfortunately, my lack of self control has resulted in (what started as relatively harmless) internet wandering becoming an addiction, something to feed my sadness, loneliness, boredom, and frustration.

There were three big factors contributing to serious self-realization and to this decision to quit the blogs:

1. I believe in the Holy Spirit. As I've read my Bible and prayed through the losses we've faced this year, God has worked in me through the Holy Spirit. My sin has become apparent and His grace has covered me in new and powerful ways.

2. My husband. Gosh, this man! Joel has encouraged me at least three different times this year to limit my internet use. He knows the ways it robs my joy. He knows my tendency to compare and become dissatisfied. He has lovingly confronted my addiction and remained faithful despite the many times I've ignored his wisdom.

3. The internet! Ironically enough, I've read things lately that have pushed me to take this fast from blogs, Facebook, and Twitter. It basically started with this post. I considered giving up sugar, but realized my reasons were mostly selfish: I wanted my acne to improve. And really, giving up sugar would improve my health, but I don't crave sugar like I do my daily blog reading/Twitter stalking. The final straw was reading this post, just after my run this morning. This lady quit Facebook for many of the same reasons I'm quitting it all.

I'm giving myself a two week goal. In those two weeks I will not read other people's blogs, I will not check Facebook, and I will not check Twitter. I expect to be blogging here, posting about how things are going, what I'm learning, how the Lord is changing me. But that's it. Email, She Reads Truth, my blog, and recipes on Pinterest.